WHAT IF IT DIDN'T WORK OUT?

What if it didn't work out? How does it feel to question yourself ? What if you knew that this was the right guy, at the right time, in the right place for you to finally fall in love? You could call someone yours, be happy, be head over heels in love with someone, and never question it. If you knew this was everything you wanted? If crying in front of them makes you feel stronger, if finally opening up doesn’t feel like a mistake, if finally falling in love makes you feel bold, if you are finally ready for a commitment and find out it didn't work out not that it was toxic and unhealthy. It was beautiful, loving, healthy, supportive, and caring. It just didn't work out what now?

I will tell you what will happen you won't be able to get over it because obviously, you have that urge to fix or solve things, you will cry over and over again over the small stuff, and you will miss all the moments, and you will become more sensitive, more protective but you will start caring less, you will become rude or you might zone yourself out and the best thing you will stop putting efforts in anyone one and anything why? Because you are tired, my love, you are tired of all the sleepless nights, overthinking, crying, sobbing, and blaming because it just doesn't end. You will remember that person in the little things the way he used to make Maggie, the way they would come up with different names to cheer or tease you, the way they would always have your back, the way they would make you laugh, the way they would always take out time for you, the way you would always be on their priority, the way they would always make you feel at home.

 What if it didn't work out? It hurts, doesn't it? Just thinking about it haunts you because you are too afraid to lose them and yes people like me would do anything to make it happen but then you get tired of the fact that they are not afraid to lose you anymore, you convince yourself that you will be fine without them, you will still talk, it will be OK, you have your friends and your family also you matter so you decide to end it because it’s the right thing and hope that this time things work out for you.

- Celine Kaya