ABSENCE

ABSENCE 

It's haunting how tragic, unfair, and hurting the presence and absence of a person can be. The same person even before we were a thing, would like my story, acknowledge me in the hallways, talk to me, text me, send me snap, ask me about my day, and call me out of the blue. I would get so happy his attention felt like my personal win but now that he is not here, now that I for sure know there is no possibility of him. I kind of miss how we used to be before we got together, now I am the curious one about his life, how was his day, how is his life now when I am not a part of it anymore, we weren't a thing, we weren't solid still, we were something only him and I could understand, now I am curious if he likes every other girl's story, if he talks to all the girls, if he is close to all of them. I was never special, or if I was the problem? 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, one minute you think of all the amazing time you spent, him and I between those sheets, at movies, celebrating birthdays, late night texts, and the next minute you hate him so much you never wanna see that face again, you don't wanna be around him, you don't wanna see him in the hallway, you don't wanna be a part of his games, you never wanna take his name from your lips but you end up talking about him because you wanna know what's going on, is he sick again? , is he seeing someone now? is he still the same? does he ever think of me? you end up getting close to his friends but far from him, and why is it so tempting now? it was never like this when you were together, you were always restricting yourself from falling in any and every way and once they walk out of your life you are all over them well let me tell you it's the absence of the person that makes you go insane and chaotic and no you are not in love because "you were never a thing". 

isn't it ironic? we ignore the ones who adore us, adore the ones who ignore us, love the ones who hurt us, and hurt the ones who love us.

- Celine Kaya