SHALLOW 

Have you ever felt pain and emptiness at the same time? How is it possible to be in so much pain and yet carry yourself into the world with a big smile on your face? No matter how close you are to people, you still don't allow them to see the storm growing inside. You let it grow every day because you don't know how to deal with it. From being completely detached from the world, switching off your social battery, and disappearing to being around your loved ones all the time, nothing fills the emptiness, nothing gives you relief, and nothing makes you happy anymore. You see and feel blue all the time, and no matter how hard you try to fix it, you will find yourself drowning in the deep core of an ocean with no light and no air to catch. 

Now you see no hope, no light to wake up every day and fight the world. You have lost the energy and faith within yourself to do something better, be productive, be active, and be better because now nothing makes you happy, nothing makes you cheery, or gets you in a good mood. No amount of motivation or affection reflects on you. The little things like making coffee, your favorite lunch, and your favorite snacks don't bring you joy or make you feel better; no amount of music, binge-watching shows, finishing books, or going out improves your day. It doesn't matter if you work all day or just lay on the bed because you are a living corpse trying to survive. 

There is constant pain in your chest, you are out of breath, your hands tremble and sweat, you always have a headache, and you are up until 5 in the morning, starting at your ceiling and crying your eyes out, not because you miss someone or want their validation, but because all you see is darkness now. You are familiar with this outwrenching pain, and here you are again after 5 years. It's the same emptiness; like drowning in the deep ocean, you can't hear, feel, or see anything around you. All you know is that you are drowning like the Titanic, and there is no one to save you. 

~ Celine Kaya